


Fangirling

by prissygirl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, Golden Lace, Golden Lace fangirls, Humor, The Gate - Freeform, b-does-the-write-thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 22:18:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10545270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prissygirl/pseuds/prissygirl
Summary: Crack fic based on "The Gate" by b-does-the-write-thing in honor of her birthday. In this one shot, three fangirls get together to write Enchanted Forest Golden Lace fanfic from their favorite book series “The Gate.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [B_does_the_write_thing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_does_the_write_thing/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Gate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2645252) by [B_does_the_write_thing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_does_the_write_thing/pseuds/B_does_the_write_thing). 



_Lacey gasped for air as she broke the surface of the river. As she swam towards the shore, she vowed - for not the first time that year - never to go anywhere near water again. Even puddles would be avoided from now on._

“Seriously?” A hearty laugh came from over Odette’s shoulder. “You’re trying to kill her again? By _drowning_?!”

Odette rolled her eyes at the interruption, turning her attention from her computer to her friend Krysta, who was peering over her shoulder at the screen.

“It’s the Nine Kingdoms, not Disney World,” Odette said. “If she doesn’t have a near death experience every other chapter, how is the reader supposed to remember how deadly that land is?”

“Oh no, who are you killing now?” Beth, the third and last member of their fanfic writing group, had just walked into the room in time to catch their conversation.

“Lacey,” Krysta said.

“Poor thing!” Beth said, joining them at the computer. “She’s already been through so much!”

“Lacey’s been on the verge of death like twelve times now,” Odette replied waspishly. “If a whale, a sea witch and every other enchantress, baddie, and troll in the Nine Kingdoms can’t kill her, I think she’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know,” Beth said skeptically. “That last book ended on a bit of a cliffhanger. What if she’s really stuck in the Cave of Wonders?”

“Oooh, that sounds like it has potential for some great smut,” Krysta said, perking up considerably.

“You think everything has the potential for great smut,” Odette said. “It’s why the entire fandom sends you their kinky prompts. God, I didn’t even know dino dildos existed until you wrote that AU with ‘The Land Before Time’ being the missing 10th kingdom.”

Krysta chuckled. “That was one of my prouder achievements, wasn’t it?”

Odette picked up her laptop and carried it over to the table in front of her couch. It was easier for the three of them to see the screen that way, and the couch was just big enough to hold them all comfortably.

“You know,” Odette said, as she settled onto the middle cushion, “just because people send you a prompt, doesn’t mean you have to fill it.”

Krysta flopped down beside her. “Says the girl who wrote crocodile smut.”

Odette leveled a finger at her. “I lost a bet. It doesn’t count!”

Her friend shrugged as Beth joined them on the couch. “Whatever. Just know that I’m in the running for at least two Gates this year: one for Best Imp, and another for my ‘Winding Stairs’ trilogy.”

Beth giggled. “Is that the one with the sexy scavenger hunt through the Dark Castle?”

“Yep, my most recent chapter had a scene with a sexy stair chase - “

“Did you just say the words “sexy stair chase”?” Odette interrupted.

Krysta sighed happily. “I sure did.”

“Anyway,” Odette said, wondering for the millionth time how she wound up in such a perverted fandom, “where were we in the story?”

She managed not to roll her eyes when Beth’s hand shot up in the air. “It’s not Hogwarts, Miss Bohan. You can talk without being called on.”

“Oooh, okay. Let’s see...Lacey had just defeated the Wicked Witch of the West by dumping this acid-like stuff on her. Then she and Gold were joined by a munchkin named Willow on their adventure to rescue the young wizard who had been under an enchantment for the last seven years. Lacey realizes that even though the wizard is really smokin’ hot, she has zero interest in him. She then proceeds to pick a fight with Gold because he’s smirking at her.”

“Those two really just need to bang already,” Krysta said. “It’s been five books and seven kingdoms already. I mean, even the horse got laid before them.”

“He wasn’t a real horse, Krysta.” Odette felt this was an important clarification. “Nothing happened until after the curse was broken.”

“Actually, Lesak41 wrote this PWP where the only way to break the curse was True Love’s Fu- “

Odette covered Krysta’s mouth with her hand. “No.”

Though her hand was pushed aside with a grumble that sounded suspiciously like “prude”, Krysta let the subject drop.

Despite the fandom being a rather sex-crazed group, Odette and her friends had never written any smut together - apart from a disastrous first attempt a year ago that had resulted from too much wine and an open promptathon - and she preferred to keep it that way.

Thus, it was important that she keep them both on track and their minds, for the moment at least, out of the gutter.

“Alright, I agree that something has to be done about the sexual tension - you could cut it with Excalibur at this point. Maybe it’s time for Gold to pull another one of his disappearance acts? He and Lacey can have a really nice moment of understanding or something and then poof - he’s suddenly gone because of some unexplained crisis in the Seventh Kingdom.”

Beth began to bounce up and down on the couch. “Oooh, could we bring back Ariel? I miss her. She and Lacey had the best friendship.”

“I dunno, I kind of liked Marian the best. She was always so badass and - “ Krysta suddenly jumped up. “Oh my god, we forgot the wine. Be right back.”

Odette and Beth exchanged a knowing glance as Krysta ran into the kitchen, appearing less than a minute later with a bottle of red in one hand and three glasses in another. Her eyes narrowed when she caught the looks they were giving her. “What? The muse must be wet.”

“I think you mean ‘whetted’ and...oh who cares, give us the wine.” Odette waved her over.

Once all their glasses were full, the three tried to get back to writing, but somehow they kept getting distracted, especially after Beth began to fill them in on all the latest fandom gossip. Of the three, she spent the most time talking to other fans online and always knew the newest drama sweeping the fandom.

“Apparently FourthKingdomPrincess and Imp_Balls got into a big fight and now all the Lacey/Ariel shippers are at war with the Lacey/Emma shippers,” Beth said. “Which is surprising because Imp_Balls usually only writes Imp/Lacey/Emma threesomes, but she really didn’t like how insulting FourthKingdom was being to all the other smaller ships.”

Krysta poured herself some more wine. “This is why we should all stick to our own smutty sandboxes and let everyone else play where they want.”

“Smutty sandboxes?” Odette asked.

“Oh, you love my fandom terms, admit it.”

Odette shook her head, but a smile peeked out from her lips. “I think it’s time we get back to this chapter. We promised everyone we’d update this week.” Draining the last of her wine, she handed her glass to Beth to refill. “Also, we should probably start thinking about how to wrap this story up. Do we want to go with how we think ‘The Gate’ will actually end or do our own thing?”

There was a minute or two of silence while the girls imagined their perfect ending scenarios. Finally, Beth spoke up.

“Personally, I think we should have Lacey and Gold run off together and leave the Imp to do his own dirty work for once,” she said as she poured the wine. “That’ll teach him to treat them both so poorly.”

Odette and Krysta looked at her with wide eyes before dissolving into giggles.

“Oh my god, don’t tell her,” Krysta said.

Beth blinked at them. “Tell me what?”

“Nothing.” Odette shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

She managed to keep a straight face until she caught Krysta’s eyes again and the two broke down in laughter again.

“What’d I say?”

Despite Beth’s continued protests the rest of the evening and even into the following weeks, neither of her friends would tell her what had been so funny.

Years later, the phrase “What’d I Say?” would remain the biggest inside joke of The Gate fandom. Rumor has it that the author of “The Gate” even has a bumper sticker of it on her car.

 


End file.
